Warning: Loss of Brain Cells to Ensue

The Star Tribune has published this piece of genius:

After nearly 40 years, Catholics brace themselves for a new translation of the mass that sticks closer to the original Latin.
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For more than a year, anxious [anxious?] Minnesota priests and parishioners have been readying themselves for the rollout of the missal, which goes into effect Nov. 27....While some have found a few changes to be more poetic and lyrical, others think the translation will turn people off. [Aww...]
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[David Haas says,] "the language needs to have a simplicity and a sense of accessibility and ... comprehension. I believe the translation at times is not easily comprehensible or accessible." [Read: BIG words scare us; follow my liturgical lead and keep it simple. Exempli gratia:]

I ask forgiveness in advance for the following.



Musical interlude over. Back to the article:

[This tops it for "Most Patronizing Attitude of the Year" award]"We wanted people to understand the changes and not be scared of them," Klima said. "It's a big deal because we consider the mass to be the central thing we do [thing?]. Different isn't necessarily better, and it isn't necessarily worse. [Then what is it?] It'll be jarring for a while because change is jarring."
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"It will take some getting used to for people. When we've been doing something for decades, it will be quite an adjustment to read responses and not have them come from deep in our hearts." [Hmm. I vaguely recall something similar happening, oh, 40 years ago or so...]