Seven Things "Good Parents Do"...

That mess up their children for life:

#7. Giving Your Kids a Creative Name

...You have just sent your flesh and blood straight into the middle of a massive man-rape in the prison shower. According to a study at the Shippensburg University, kids growing up with ordinary, popular names have a higher chance to become law abiding citizens, while all the unusually named ones should start deciding what state they want to commit their first felony in (friendly tip, skip Texas).

The rest here.